When in doubt....start a new chapter?

So, I'm working on this book-thing. It's the farthest that I have ever written a book and I'm pretty jazzed about that. But a week ago I wrote this scene. It was a pretty intense scene and I've been stuck as to how to continue. Like, how do I follow that up? I decided, start a new chapter. It's so much easier that way. Close the door on that section, leave it to ferment and settle, find it's footing and then come back once I've stirred up more drama in the other characters lives. But I feel bad about that. Like I'm abandoning those two characters. They just took a very important step and because I'm afraid of that, I'm leaving them alone with their emotions. Is that right? Is there some kind of ethical ruling that says you have to take care of your characters in every aspect? How do you balance 6 characters? Especially when they are as messed up and emotional basket cases like mine? Where do I draw the line at them crossing over into my reality and keep them in theirs?

Books I Read 2

Just finished another book. This one was "The Princetta" by Anne-Laure Bondoux. It was thrilling. Pirates, fights, new worlds, run away princesses, dashing captains, love, loss, pain, forgiveness, secrets, and everything in between. I read, and read and read until it felt like my head would explode. Have you ever read a book and become so submersed that you see yourself as the main character? Or you give faces to unknown characters, but their faces are people you know? Voices change, morph to fit their looks. You can see the rise and fall of the ocean, here the distant cannons, feel the salty sea air as it dries your lips and whips your hair around. As the number of pages left began to shrink, I became nauseous and dizzy. My heart started to beat faster and I knew, this is it. Only a few pages left. Then it was done. I had reached the end of my book, and yet another story was closed on me. But I'm still reeling from the story. Even though it had a bittersweet ending, it was still amazing. I'm eager to find out more about this author and find more stunning tales of piracy and heroics.

Quick Update...

I just wanted to post saying that I'm about to leave to go get my braces off. It's a strange feeling, that I will never see them again after today. It's like a really close friend that moved away. You can see pictures, but it's not the same. So, goodbye my love, we spent a fabulous (and trying) two years together. I bid you au revoir, and I will miss you.

Books I Read

I have decided to post every book I read over the next few months. Starting today. I love to read and I read constantly, but past a few months ago, I rarely remember books I read, and because I read so many, I think it's important that I write it all down so I don't forget. Today I finished a book called Eternity's Edge. It was written by Bryan Davis, who is, in my opinion, one of the best Christian Fiction authors around. He also wrote another series that I love called Dragons In Our Midst. But I digress. This was the second in the Echoes from the Edge series and I was really happy with it. I bought it two months ago, but lost it in one of my roommates rooms ( I have no clue how it got there). I found it yesterday and finished it around 4 this afternoon. I really love Bryan's character development. He creates really lovable, diverse, and interesting characters. So yeah, I loved it and I have two more books that I just got that I can't wait to read :)

hmmm

I am obviously not very good at the whole "regular blogging thing." But sometimes it does feel good to just have somewhere to arrange my thoughts. Even if it makes no sense to everyone else, it makes sense to me. Yesterday I got the new Taylor Swift album and I adore it. Her style is so amazing and the fact the she wrote, almost single-handedly (is that a word?), whole album is rather impressive. But, she is a teenage girl and there are depressing love songs. One in particular caught my attention. The other night I was throwing a pity party and said "There is no Romeo for me. No Tom (longer story), no Edward (cringe) no Mr. Darcy for me." So then, a few days later I hear this song. "I'm not a princess, this aint a fairytale. I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This aint hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around."

Doesn't that perfectly echo the sentiments of a melodramatic teenager? Logically, I know I will most likely end up married. Thats what my brain says. But my heart counter acts that with, well I don't want to just get married. I want a love story. And my brain responds with, well wait. God will bring you one when its time. But my oh-so impatiant heart says now. And it has me in the cross-fire of a brain-on-heart war. And frankly, I don't know what to do.

Insperation?

So, when I started this blog, I had this great idea. My first blog ( I thought) was profound and deep. The next one I thought was equally deep and insightful. But my last one...ha! It was a lame attempts at artfulness and creativity. Where is my inspiration? What happened to my creativity? My deepness and insightful-ness has flown straight out the window. What do I do? How can I be creative again? How do I make a not lame blog that I feel bad about? It seems like all my once creative-ness is just...gone. I'm not sure how to cope with the loss of such a close personal friend. I feel a deep sense of sadness with the dividing of my soul. But how do I deal? What steps are there for losing a piece of yourself? Is it a temporary thing? Like, leaving for a job for six months, and I'll be back? Or is it, I'm gone forever, live your life without me? I guess I'll just have to rely on God to restore my soul and creativity.

Kay's Infinite Playlist

So...I listen to music most of my day, and began writing down songs that I liked, no matter where they came from. So for that reason I present to you my very own Infinite Playlist (in no particular order)!!

1. Future Love by Varsity Fanclub.
I love this song. There is something slightly reminiscent of the old boy-bands (yes, I loved them dearly) but at the same time...better. I'm into lyrics and the lyrics of this song are kind of "awwww" and sweet.

2. Ever Ever After by Carrie Underwood
I'm a hopeless romantic and this song says it perfectly. "Lets just admit we all want to make it to Ever Ever After." Where is my ticket?

3. Adore Her by Mandy Moore
I have always loved Mandy Moore, whether she was singing or acting. For a while there she kind of fell of the face of the earth music wise. But when she came out with Wild Hope...man it was brilliant. This song is so perfectly suited for any situation. It describes most females I know, not to mention the amazingly rich quality of Mandy's voice.

4. If Your Not The One by Daniel Beddingfield
Again with the love-sick hopeless romantic that I am, this song is perfect (or not?) for that kind of thing. It has the soul melt-y lyrics you look for in a love song, not to mention Daniel has an amazing voice. This song kind of makes me swoon.

5. Energy by Keri Hilson
I'm not sure why I like this song. Its actually quite depressing. I guess I like the metaphors used in the chorus. "I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy". I suppose I wouldn't actually call that a metaphor, but I do like the image it depicts. I'm not familiar with much (anything really) of Keri Hilson's music, but if her other songs are anything like this one, she has my vote (and money).

6. Love Me Dead by Ludo
Probably the most unconventional love song I have ever heard, Love Me Dead is amazing. Ludo has a unique voice and really does well to show his range in this song. But the lyrics...they are a cross between a hate break up song and a proposal. His play on words throughout the whole song are really quite brilliant actually.

7. Love Song by Taylor Swift
I really love Taylor. She a) writes her own music b) is adorable and c) incredibly talented. Her newest single bears witness to that. Each chorus is different, showing a different aspect of a slightly dysfunctional relationship until the very end, where it would perfectly fit Jim and Pam. This is another one of those songs that actually make me swoon.

8. Gotta Find You by Joe Jonas
Yes, I did it. I added a Jonas Brother song to my list. But in all truth, its actually not bad song. Considering the fact that its a Disney song and is quite cookie-cutter pop. For the slightly romantic and slightly immature side of all of us, this song is sweet. That's a good word to describe it, sweet.

9. La la Land by Demi Lovato
I figure just clump Disney together. She's not bad. A little shouty in some parts, but all things considered, she has a decent voice. This song is cute. A testament to what every girl who came out of Disney said. They won't change, no matter what. A good beat, some fun play on words, and not a bad song.

10. Better In Time by Leona Lewis
Again, a slightly depressing song. She has an amazing voice, and the lyrics really do say something. I'm gonna smile now. Thanks.

11. Tied Together With A Smile by Taylor Swift
This song isn't slightly depressing, its really depressing. And some days I feel like it fits me a little to well. Again, love her voice, she's really talented, a good song writer and this song just touches somewhere. A level that I think most songs avoid. A place of rawness, reality. Its a beautiful song.

12. Cold As You by Taylor Swift
Last Taylor song I promise! But there is no denying the haunting quality of this song. You can see it in your head, feel it in your heart. Definitely up there on my list.

And that concludes my not-so-infinite playlist. I hope I have opened your eyes to some cool new music. Or maybe reminded you why you love music in the first place.

God

Lost in darkness
Silently weeping
I hear you coming
All my rage
My soul is seething

Yet still you come
Heavy footsteps falling
Coming closer, ever closer
To a closed and
Hardened heart

Each deep breath
A scarce companion
I feel a tear drop
That’s not my own
Falling ever quickly

I hear a sob
A cry of love
A soft hand
Pressed gently into
My wet and tear soaked face.

As the hand wipes away my tear
So it wipes away the hurt
I know who is beside,
Whose cries echo my own
And still I lay weeping, but at least I’m not
Alone

The Author

I was born. Charles Dickens used those words to start David Copperfield. The simple sentence states with accuracy what Dickens makes of his characters birth. It was simple; there was no great feast, no awards, and no fuss. I can imagine Dickens sitting at a desk that is illuminated by a soft burning candle. He has a blank sheet in front of him, his pen poised above the page; ready to write what ever he thinks. But, as his pen is coming down, he stops. How to begin this tale? What words convey my emotions about my character? And then he decides. Three little words, carrying no real weight, but saying tons. He breathed into existence many characters. All of them a small part in a bigger plan. I wonder if they knew. If as each part of them was being drawn out, if they knew what was happening. I wonder if as Shakespeare was pouring his soul, Juliet was awaiting the moment she plunged the dagger into her heart. I wonder if Elizabeth Benet knew she would end up for all eternity with Mr. Darcy.

In short, I wonder if they felt. If somehow by writing, we can impart ourselves into our characters. We are no more than characters. We play roles in an amazing story. Our author is far greater and far more competent than Dickens, Homer, Plato, or any of the other greats. While many authors start new stories, they often back themselves into corners, and have to work to get themselves out, this author, doesn’t. He doesn’t re-write plot lines, change characters names and He doesn’t second guess himself. He doesn’t throw characters away and create better ones. Each character is a reflection of his soul, his heart, his love. We all hold a piece of our author inside of us. And our author guides us and keeps us close to him. Our author did what no author would dream of doing for a character. He died. And he did what all other authors only wish they could do; he lives in his story. He is very much a part of his story that is me. I have a relationship with my author. Jane Eyre never knew Charlotte, but I know Him. My author, my God, he writes his story with true dedication. I am horrible at starting stories and stopping, leaving my characters mid-life, often times mid sentence; and there they sit. All of them, waiting for me to pick it back up, but I rarely do. My author isn’t like that. He doesn’t leave me hanging, waiting for Him to look at my story. I don’t have to wait for Him to decide that I am worth picking up the pen again. In fact, my story has all ready been written, I am just now living in the glory of what my author has done for me. And waiting to see what I can do for him.